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Marriage Preparation

Arrangements for Marriage must be made with the Pastor or Parochial Vicar ideally one year prior to the wedding. Appointments may be made by calling the Parish Office (856-235-0181).

Below are policies and guidelines for Catholic weddings in NJ, in general, and at Our Lady of Good Counsel, in particular:

COMMON POLICY FOR CATHOLIC WEDDINGS IN NEW JERSEY

In 1972, all the Catholic dioceses of the State entered into an agreement for preparing couples for marriage. This has become known as "The Common Policy" because it is common to all the Catholic churches throughout the State of New Jersey.

The first provision of The Common Policy is that any couple requesting marriage within the Catholic Church should begin to prepare for this ideally a year before the wedding date.  The bishops are not thinking so much in terms of 365 days as in that period of time which will give a couple the time to talk about and to share with each other the things that go into a good marriage.  The bishops try to impress upon the young couple the attitude that ~ "A Wedding is for A Day, A Marriage for A Lifetime!" ~

During the course of this year of preparation, the couple will have two distinct experiences, the one of information and the other of formation. The informational sessions usually take the form of Pre-Cana Conferences or Engaged Encounter Experience.  At these sessions, the couple reviews the basic concepts of Christian Marriage.  Beside imparting knowledge or information, these programs also help the couple prepare for a stable and lasting marriage by developing and expressing their own personal insights and goals.  This is part of the formational process.

The formation process is highly personalized and individualized for each engaged couple through several counseling sessions with their parish priest.  What occurs here pertains not just to any marriage or any couple, but to this man and to this woman to their unique relationship. This Common Policy approach is not sufficient nor adequate to prepare a couple for a Christian marriage.  It is only a stop-gap measure to reduce the risks that are so high in our times.  The only truly effective preparation for Christian marriage is the experience of growing up in a Christian home filled with Faith and Love.  Sounds too simple to be true, doesn't it?

PARISH GUIDELINES FOR WEDDINGS

Weddings are beautiful.  A church setting enhances that beauty with the sacred character and elements of the church building and the rites of the sacrament.  The Marriage Rite performed in a House of Worship should be observed with reverence and respect.  This should be reflected in the behavior and attire of all attending, but especially of those taking a significant part.

1. RESERVATIONS: Reservations of the wedding date and planning the wedding service must be done with one of the Parish Priests.  The Diocesan Common Policy calls for this process to begin ideally one year before the wedding to allow enough time for an appropriate Marriage Preparation Program.  A person must be a registered member of Our Lady's Parish at least one year before setting a date for a wedding.  An appointment for making these arrangements may be made by calling the Rectory Office (235-0181).

2. TIMES: The time for Saturday weddings are at 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m.  A wedding may also be scheduled for Friday evening provided there is not another wedding or church service scheduled that same evening.

3. SEASONS: Long standing traditions in the Church have discouraged the faithful from solemnizing marriages during the six weeks of Lent and the four weeks of Advent.  "If marriages are to take place during Lent, couples are to be reminded that wedding plans should respect the special nature of this liturgical season; they should refrain from too much pomp or display." (The Order of Prayer in The Liturgy).

4. WITNESSES: It is no longer required that the two essential witnesses for marriage (commonly referred to as Maid of Honor and Best Man) be practicing Catholics. The only ones who would be excluded from this office would be: a. Catholics who are married outside the church, and b. Anyone who is living with another in a sexual relationship without the benefit of marriage.  A more complete listing of the parish guidelines for weddings at Our Lady's Church will be given the couple on the occasion of setting a wedding date.

WHERE DO CATHOLICS STAND AFTER A DIVORCE

There continues to be a deep-rooted misunderstanding among our Catholic people regarding the status of the divorced person in the Church.  Because of this misunderstanding, many who are experiencing divorce absent themselves from the Eucharist or even from the Church community as a whole.  They do so at a time when they are in great need of the healing presence of the Lord and the support of the Christian community.  The position of the Church is very clear regarding the divorced: the divorced Catholic (who has not remarried without the benefit of Church annulment) is entitled to full participation within the sacramental community of the Church.

Divorced persons not only are invited to continue to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist, but also may expect the Church to offer the healing presence of the Lord through the concern and support of its members.  With regard to the divorced and remarried, it is important that we be aware that in 1977, Pope Paul VI, at the request of the American Bishops, lifted the ban of excommunication imposed on divorced Catholics who have remarried.

Addressing the Church's ministry to this group of persons, our Holy Father, Pope John Paul II again in Familiaris Consortio stated that even though the discipline of the Church does not permit reception of the Eucharist, I earnestly call upon pastors and the whole community of the faithful to help the divorced and with solicitous care to make sure they do not consider themselves separated from the Church.